Like the weather, this guys "smooth" moves were horrendous.
The boys had asked us about what bus route we were going to take to get home. Kindly, my friend and I explained that we live in Kits and Coal Harbour respectively and that we could thus take the same bus as we do everyday. Now, knowing that these boys live in Shaughnessy, and that they'd need to take the bus route in the opposite direction, we pretended to be dumb and asked them about their route. They told us that they indeed do live in Shaughnessy, but that they could take any bus route they wanted. I told them that their bus stopped right in front of the school and that they could get on there. However, due to the fact that a sex-deprived lunatic was running around campus, grabbing women's bottoms, the boys decided to walk us to the bus loop.
That was very nice, but I mean really very unnecessary. Actually, it only seemed unnecessary to me. To this boy, walking the love of his life to the bus loop was quite necessary. In fact, despite the almost impossible chance of my friend and I getting sexually assaulted whilst walking to the bus loop, I'd venture to say that he had a feeling of heroism while walking us to the bus loop, as if he had just saved our lives from the maniac on campus. Anyways, instead of making the long walk in the crappy weather, we caught a bus for a few stops to the bus loop. In that time, my old partner was incredibly silent, with his black, puffy hood covering most of his forehead. The other boy however, seized the opportunity to talk to my friend. At least, he tried. My friend wasn't really talking much, and I, being her best friend, felt almost obligated to save her from the clutches of this boy. So, when this boy brought up the topic of modelling, and questioning my friend about her modelling, I jumped in.
Considering the fact that I have a vast knowledge of modelling, (and I say this with no irony. I know that it's become difficult to differentiate my sarcasm from my truths, but actually, I have a small, possibly partially lesbian obsession with models.) I used it to my advantage. I started asking him about the most famous model in his country (native country). He knew her, but not very well; what a shame. I then went on to list -out of route memory- her measurements and a cover shoot which she was in, where she looked particularly beautiful. He was in awe, almost as much as my model friend was. I turned, first to my friend and said "I told you I know a lot about models." Then, I turned to the boy, who I knew had heard this statement, and said: "Seriously, ask me about anyone of the Victoria's Secret Angels, and I'll give you everything from her birthday to her measurements." I think that he responded either with a smirk and the implicit question of: "Isn't that a little lesbian?" or with a cool statement of "Impressive!"Regardless, I didn't care. My knowledge of everything modally had come in handy because by the time I was done raving about Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Cameron Russell, Emily DiDonato, Laetitia Casta and Bar Rafaeli, our bus had arrived at the bus loop.
At this point, we all got off. My friend and I pointed the two boys to their bus, which was about to leave, and occupied our stop in the line for the Downtown bus. They obediently headed off to their bus, which was surprising, as I had thought that they would actually request to head all the way home with us. They didn't make up some lame excuse about "taking precautionary measures against all those rapists out there"and thus needing to take us to the front doors of our buildings. They just walked away.
When their bus drove away, my friend and I commenced gossiping about the boy. We talked about how creepy he was, how desperate he must be etc.. Neither of us liked the fact that he had talked about another boy behind his back. There was obviously a feud going on between the boy that was hitting on my friend and the boy he was gossiping about, because the boy had painted the other in such a bad light. Why? Well probably because they were both after the same girl at their school. Anyways, all the criticism directed towards the other boy was totally unwarranted, as that boy is great. He is quite hilarious and despite the fact that he too hits on 27397549 girls at a time, he is still fun. See, both of these boys had hit on me at one point, one at a debate tournament and the other at a debate practice, and I can now say that the boy who had his arm around me at the awards ceremony of a debate tournament is much funnier and chill, in a weird, poser-ish way.
Anyways, I disclosed to my friend that I thought that the guy was hitting on her throughout the whole day, and that tomorrow she'd see him in front of her building with flowers. She laughed and said that she noticed, but that she thought that he was hitting on me at first.
"Yeah, you're right. But then you walked into the room and lit it up, he fell for you and now you will be carrying his babies. That's why he put so much emphasis on telling you that he is partly of your ethnic background. That way, your babies won't be halfies, they'll be almost fully your background." I poetically described with an immense amount of voice fluctuation for dramatic effect.
My friend had a sort of shocked face, but she was laughing so hard that her face just looked deformed, it was pretty funny.
When the bus started moving, we kept talking about him, and listing observations. Actually, it was mostly me making fun of him and making my friend laugh. I really like making her laugh, her facial expressions are so mutated that it makes me laugh. Also, considering that my sense of humour is demented, not many people can understand it, and think that I mean certain things with malice, whereas my friend, well, she really gets it. So we basically spent that whole bus ride in mutual laughter, her at my jokes and me at her face. I walked her home and then sat myself on the next bus, but not before I told her to give me a call if a creepy figure appears in her garden's bushes. (I said this as a joke, the guy is not crazy enough to stalk her, okay? He's a regular teenage boy, like all of them, he wants to sleep with girls, particularly hot ones, and I need to make fun of him because he hit on my best friend and she didn't like him. As well as because I just need to make fun of people.)
It seemed like that would be the end of that. I had protected my best friend from the creepy dude who wanted to date her purely for sexual reasons, and for his ego. He wanted to date her for the ability to tell his friends that he is dating a model, and that was pathetic, but normal. Regardless, I thought that that was the end of this issue and that in a few days, we'd forget that this ever even happened. Sadly, this boy did not let us forget it, neither did my old partner, and what happened in the days following the encounter was truly -for lack of a better word- hilarious.
The boys had asked us about what bus route we were going to take to get home. Kindly, my friend and I explained that we live in Kits and Coal Harbour respectively and that we could thus take the same bus as we do everyday. Now, knowing that these boys live in Shaughnessy, and that they'd need to take the bus route in the opposite direction, we pretended to be dumb and asked them about their route. They told us that they indeed do live in Shaughnessy, but that they could take any bus route they wanted. I told them that their bus stopped right in front of the school and that they could get on there. However, due to the fact that a sex-deprived lunatic was running around campus, grabbing women's bottoms, the boys decided to walk us to the bus loop.
That was very nice, but I mean really very unnecessary. Actually, it only seemed unnecessary to me. To this boy, walking the love of his life to the bus loop was quite necessary. In fact, despite the almost impossible chance of my friend and I getting sexually assaulted whilst walking to the bus loop, I'd venture to say that he had a feeling of heroism while walking us to the bus loop, as if he had just saved our lives from the maniac on campus. Anyways, instead of making the long walk in the crappy weather, we caught a bus for a few stops to the bus loop. In that time, my old partner was incredibly silent, with his black, puffy hood covering most of his forehead. The other boy however, seized the opportunity to talk to my friend. At least, he tried. My friend wasn't really talking much, and I, being her best friend, felt almost obligated to save her from the clutches of this boy. So, when this boy brought up the topic of modelling, and questioning my friend about her modelling, I jumped in.
Considering the fact that I have a vast knowledge of modelling, (and I say this with no irony. I know that it's become difficult to differentiate my sarcasm from my truths, but actually, I have a small, possibly partially lesbian obsession with models.) I used it to my advantage. I started asking him about the most famous model in his country (native country). He knew her, but not very well; what a shame. I then went on to list -out of route memory- her measurements and a cover shoot which she was in, where she looked particularly beautiful. He was in awe, almost as much as my model friend was. I turned, first to my friend and said "I told you I know a lot about models." Then, I turned to the boy, who I knew had heard this statement, and said: "Seriously, ask me about anyone of the Victoria's Secret Angels, and I'll give you everything from her birthday to her measurements." I think that he responded either with a smirk and the implicit question of: "Isn't that a little lesbian?" or with a cool statement of "Impressive!"Regardless, I didn't care. My knowledge of everything modally had come in handy because by the time I was done raving about Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Cameron Russell, Emily DiDonato, Laetitia Casta and Bar Rafaeli, our bus had arrived at the bus loop.
At this point, we all got off. My friend and I pointed the two boys to their bus, which was about to leave, and occupied our stop in the line for the Downtown bus. They obediently headed off to their bus, which was surprising, as I had thought that they would actually request to head all the way home with us. They didn't make up some lame excuse about "taking precautionary measures against all those rapists out there"and thus needing to take us to the front doors of our buildings. They just walked away.
When their bus drove away, my friend and I commenced gossiping about the boy. We talked about how creepy he was, how desperate he must be etc.. Neither of us liked the fact that he had talked about another boy behind his back. There was obviously a feud going on between the boy that was hitting on my friend and the boy he was gossiping about, because the boy had painted the other in such a bad light. Why? Well probably because they were both after the same girl at their school. Anyways, all the criticism directed towards the other boy was totally unwarranted, as that boy is great. He is quite hilarious and despite the fact that he too hits on 27397549 girls at a time, he is still fun. See, both of these boys had hit on me at one point, one at a debate tournament and the other at a debate practice, and I can now say that the boy who had his arm around me at the awards ceremony of a debate tournament is much funnier and chill, in a weird, poser-ish way.
Anyways, I disclosed to my friend that I thought that the guy was hitting on her throughout the whole day, and that tomorrow she'd see him in front of her building with flowers. She laughed and said that she noticed, but that she thought that he was hitting on me at first.
"Yeah, you're right. But then you walked into the room and lit it up, he fell for you and now you will be carrying his babies. That's why he put so much emphasis on telling you that he is partly of your ethnic background. That way, your babies won't be halfies, they'll be almost fully your background." I poetically described with an immense amount of voice fluctuation for dramatic effect.
My friend had a sort of shocked face, but she was laughing so hard that her face just looked deformed, it was pretty funny.
When the bus started moving, we kept talking about him, and listing observations. Actually, it was mostly me making fun of him and making my friend laugh. I really like making her laugh, her facial expressions are so mutated that it makes me laugh. Also, considering that my sense of humour is demented, not many people can understand it, and think that I mean certain things with malice, whereas my friend, well, she really gets it. So we basically spent that whole bus ride in mutual laughter, her at my jokes and me at her face. I walked her home and then sat myself on the next bus, but not before I told her to give me a call if a creepy figure appears in her garden's bushes. (I said this as a joke, the guy is not crazy enough to stalk her, okay? He's a regular teenage boy, like all of them, he wants to sleep with girls, particularly hot ones, and I need to make fun of him because he hit on my best friend and she didn't like him. As well as because I just need to make fun of people.)
It seemed like that would be the end of that. I had protected my best friend from the creepy dude who wanted to date her purely for sexual reasons, and for his ego. He wanted to date her for the ability to tell his friends that he is dating a model, and that was pathetic, but normal. Regardless, I thought that that was the end of this issue and that in a few days, we'd forget that this ever even happened. Sadly, this boy did not let us forget it, neither did my old partner, and what happened in the days following the encounter was truly -for lack of a better word- hilarious.
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