The Title

No, I didn't make a mistake when publishing this post. I intended to name it "The Title" because that is exactly what I will be discussing in today's angry post.

With only about one week left of school before I graduate, the pressure is on. Generally, the ends of terms are harried with various tasks that you would rather not do. All those assignments you procrastinated on during the months; all those little things that cause you far too great of a hassle. That description is only valid when you exclude grade 12. See, at the end of the year in grade 12, things are even worse. Not only do you have to do all those missed assignments so that you can maintain your university acceptance, you also have to deal with all those things that come with graduation. 

In fact, tomorrow, I walk across the stage and grab my diploma from my principal, thereby signifying that I have persevered and achieved what has been my societally imposed purpose for the past 13 years. Really, it hurts just seeing it written out - "13 years". I spent 13 years in school everyday to get what? A piece of paper? How sad. What's more sad is that those years feel nearly totally wasted. I can't figure out why I did the daily grind, and that's unfortunate. But, I'm not going to whine about that right now. I'm going to count my blessings as a student gaining some minimal amount of freedom from the shackles of my community-college-educated teachers. At least now, when I begin to pay for school by attending university, the capitalist system should allow me voice dissatisfaction and potentially have my grievances be sustained. Right, hopefully university is better. 

Back to the big final weeks.

One of the major things that usually follows graduation is prom. Prom is that amazing day, filled with wonderful people, beautiful dresses, lots of liquor and plenty of fun. At least that's what it's supposed to be. From my experiences, and through ample hearsay, I have learned that prom is seldom that. Most of the time, you aren't friends with everyone in high school - far from it. You're generally friends with a small clique. Why? Because that small clique is the group you choose to spend you're time with, supposedly because they are most similar in ideology to you. Not necessarily political ideology - you get it, I'm sure. 

Then there's the second aspect - the outfits. Those "beautiful dresses" that all look like they were made by a blind, candy-store owner. Hideous and tacky, sometimes outrageously colorful, and sometimes made of fabrics akin to those of spacesuits - these are the dresses for prom. Worst of all, they are all strikingly similar. The same ugly sweetheart necklines and the same ugly lengths. They're horrible. I'd argue that prom dresses are just re-purposed curtains, but that's just me.

Then there's the liquor, which is supposed to exist, but doesn't because parents stand on the perimeter and inspect prom-goers. At least that is the case at my upcoming prom.

Did I mention that this all costs you a hefty 175$? 175$ for dinner and a dance and 3 hours of your life. Obviously, if you have a date, the price will double.

So, does that all sound like fun? I'll tell you something: Of the 150 people in my graduating class, only about 65 are going to prom, and the price is the least of the concerns.

My school wasn't even planning on having a prom. In fact, around March, I asked the social coordinator at my school if and when prom was happening. She told me that prom was "Such a white girl thing to do", and that, if I wanted a prom I should go and organize one. Well, thanks for the advice, social coordinator. Regardless to those remarks, a short while later, my social coordinator went on the school Facebook group and asked how many people wanted to have a prom. Lo and behold - many. Then, she began preparations.

After spending 4 years at my school, I realize that I am not friends with many people. We're all very different in ideologies. I don't like to take caffeine tablets in order to prolong the amount of time I can physically study my physics homework. They do. I like to do things other than study. They don't. You get the idea. 

So, when the prom plan was revealed. and the price was announced, I considered all options. I realized that I probably wouldn't enjoy being cooped up in a window-less ballroom with those people. I wouldn't enjoy paying 175$ for that experience and I wouldn't enjoy picking out a bubblegum colored curtain to use as a dress. So, I decided to do my own thing. My parents encouraged me, and a lot of the other kids at school were also doing it. After all, everyone wants celebrate the end of school, and, if ~90 kids aren't going to the official prom, that means that there are a lot of "mini-proms" happening. 

I decided to organize my own mini prom. My parents had told me that they'd gladly give me 175$ if I wanted to go to prom, but they'd give me that money if I wanted to do something else too. I figured that I could book a trip for a few days somewhere close by for about the same cost, and I began preparations. Oh, the obstacles just seemed to never end!

Initially, there was plenty of interest, but that just kept dwindling. Some people decided that they would go to school prom, others had overly-protective parents who wouldn't let them spend 3 nights away from home, others couldn't afford the price tag, which I set at 200$. I advertised my trip as being basically the same price for 3 nights, as prom is for 3 hours. I expected it to be fantastic. Eventually, the 17 people who had initially expressed interest dropped out and left only 6. It was going to be only 6 of us girls. The group of the girls actually was formidable. I feel highly comfortable around all of them. Moreover, boys would have detracted from the comfort-level. Even moreover, the smaller the group, the less the chance of something bad happening. When you're in a house with 20 teens, it's risky. When you're in a house with 6 teens, the odds are much better.

Things seemed perfect.

I finally had the money from all 6 and was ready to book. All those obstacles I had had, had melted away. I just needed to find a nice place for 6 and book it.

Of course, that would be too easy. The universe needed to throw me another curve ball.

It came in the form of my best friend telling me that she would like to reschedule the trip. Why in the world would she want such a thing? Because she wanted to go to school prom. "I just think that we could do both." is what she said to me. She wanted to go to school prom, and then go on our trip some other time. Obviously, I wasn't going to agree to this. 

First of all, my one friend didn't warrant the rescheduling and restarting of planning for this trip. Second, she wasn't special. I wasn't going to alter everything for the other 4 girls and myself in order to accommodate her current whim. Third, I had no intention of going to school prom. I don't fancy those people. I don't fancy their over-priced price. I don't fancy 3 hours of parent-supervised dancing to top 40 music. Frankly, I'm too cool for that. I thought that my friend was too. After all, she had seemed very excited and had given me her 200$ just a few days prior. So, what could've possibly instigated this drastic change? I asked.

She first told me that she had hoped that more people were going. How she had realized it, a lot of people were going to go, and they were all going to be our friends. Well, that deserved two responses. The first was that yes, a lot of people were going to go, but fewer people was easier logistically, and I also personally preferred it to the discomfort that would come with having a large group of acquaintances. The second was that our only true friends through high school had been each other. She wasn't highly socially active when I met her, and I was. I had had many acquaintances, she hadn't. Nonetheless, those people were all acquaintances - she was my friend. Now, however, those acquaintances of mine had become hers, apparently. And apparently, she was so close to those acquaintances, that she wanted to spend the night with all of them rather than 5 of us. 

I think she missed the talk about quality versus quantity. 

After a day or so, she told me that her reasoning was different: Now, she had done some introspection and stumbled upon a big philosophical question: How would she feel in the future, when she reflects and recognizes that she had never gone to "official prom"? She didn't want to risk that potentially negative feeling and therefore needed to go. That was all fine, and I was not going to hold her back. She worried if I was mad. Well, of course I was. Here she was, posing as an enormous obstacle to my success of planning this trip. But, I wouldn't tell her that.

I don't want to hold her back from her desires in what is her last week of school. Obviously, we aren't going to stay friends forever, so what's the point of trying to force it in this home stretch of high school. She had changed a lot over the years, and perhaps I had too. After considering this all, I told her I would do my best to accommodate her. And, really, I am going way out of my way to make this pleasant for her. I am doing her a giant favor, really.

I know what her two reasons are in actuality. The first is the lack of people. When I met her, she was new to the country. She didn't have enough connections in order to get invited to parties and social gatherings. She was quiet and not particularly social. That was attractive to me. I was a social butterfly with plenty of connections, but I needed someone quiet to keep me grounded. I genuinely thought that she was the way she was authentically. I didn't think that it was any facade. But it was. Because as soon as the opportunity presented itself, she jumped on it. As soon as she found a group that invited her to parties, she was partying well into the nights. She wasn't actually a quiet person at all. It's just that, at school, I had fulfilled that niche since the start, so there was no space for her to be a partying, loud kid; she felt pushed into the shadows.

For her, a party of 6 likable girls isn't fun. If there aren't going to be police coming or if there aren't going to people choking on their vomit and nearly dying, it just isn't worth it. 

The second major reason lies in the title of this post. The title of "official prom" is a difficult one to miss out on. It doesn't matter that it will be terribly lame and boring, it is called "prom". It doesn't matter that everything about it is tacky and gross, it is called "prom". It doesn't matter that all those people there are acquaintances, at best, to her, it is called "prom". You have to go to prom. That's just a rule. You can't go against the grain and do your own thing, you have to conform to prom. 

It's like Bachelor and Bachelorette parties. You know? People go to Vegas and get wasted, and get with strippers and hookers, but it's ok. Even though they have a fiance(e) and are going to get married within a week, they can have guilt-free sex because it's their Bachelor party, and it's their last bit of freedom. Why? Didn't their freedom disappear when they started seriously dating their significant other? No, their freedom will only go away when their significant other attains the elusive title of "husband" or "wife". How sad. That's the reality. 

It causes me some sadness to think that my friend falls into that category; to think that maybe she has always wanted to be someone else, but that I have held her back by being louder and more social. I really shouldn't be worrying though, I too am graduating, I too should be happy-go-lucky. I have wanted nothing more than to escape the confides of my uninspiring high school and my uninspiring peers. The time is finally here. 

Is my friend doing anything malicious? No, she's just following her heart, and who could blame her for that? Certainly not me. So, is this a smear post? No, it's just a sort of pitiful expression of sadness. Why did I hold her back? 

I think far too much. I graduate tomorrow! I'm free tomorrow! Life is upon me and it's all going to be perfect. I feel so loved by everyone around me that I am a fool to let something so minuscule in the grand scheme of things upset me. I shouldn't. I'm going to book that trip now, and I am going to have a great time knowing that I was cool enough to let "official prom" pass me by. Furthermore, I'm going to have a great time with those girls, whether my friend decides to show up or not.

I'm going to go book that trip now. Thanks for reading.