Confusion

It is a rare occurrence; me, being confused, that is. Sadly, that is exactly how I am feeling at the moment. I can't remember the last time I was actually confused about something that I couldn't figure out. Generally, I suffer from confusion for an hour or two and then make up my mind firmly for the rest of my life. That is how I work with politics, and many other aspects of life. After my half hour of deliberation, I come to a conclusion and, because I am very stubborn, it is impossible to change my mind.

I have been thinking about this issue for a while now, and cannot seem to reach a final reason or verdict. Generally, I try not to concern myself with banale high school gossip bad drama, but I have been sucked in by this story at school, so much so that it has inclined me to write about it.

So what's the story? I have this friend, she's a nice girl - very proper and decent. She looks as if she has been raised on a diet consisting of caviar and fine brie, and brought up on a lifestyle of equestrian and country clubs. Yes, she seems regal, very modestly graceful. Even her walk is queenly. The way she carries herself, her entire manner of being - it all screams elagence and superiority. Most of the time, these people repel me. I never want to associate myself with them. They are prim and proper, never raise their voice and never put the wrong foot forward - something about that annoys me too much, it inspires an urge in me - the urge to punch them in the face. Perhaps what annoys me is the fact that I could never be like that, but that's beside the point.

Anyways, this girl and I have grown to be good friends over the course of this school year. I guess that I managed to push past the veil of perfection to see the kind of person she is, and her personality really appealed to me. She's a genuinely good person. She's kind, caring, supportive and quiet. I guess the quietness helps because I have a lot to rant and having someone to vent to is important. She's a great friend, she's very loyal. Surprisingly, she understands and puts up with my consistently insulting, unwarranted and bad humor. And most importantly, she is honest (even when it hurts) for the most part.

Recently, the issue which has arisen has me questioning her honesty towards me. Once again, I've over dramatized:

She has never lied to me about  anything serious, nor do I think that she's starting to. The thing that I think that she's lying to me about it purely trivial and honestly shouldn't phase me much. In fact, I'm disappointed that the matter at all crosses my mind.

In our school there is another boy. He isn't like the rest, no, he is very, very special, in every way. He is Caucasian - a rarity at our mainly Asian populated school. As far as schoolwork goes, he is a failure, a very lazy child. He rarely submits assignments ever (not to mention handing in an assignment on time), he spends the few classes which he doesn't skip sleeping or making paper airplanes and the teachers don't like him. (Flash forward to right now, his grades are up, he is studying more, attending class and actually even occasionally listening.)

Regardless of all this, the boy is wonderful. He himself is kind (in a distorted way), he is hilarious (occasionally overboard), he is genuinely nice and actually caring, despite his best efforts to come across as if he doesn't give a [insert swear word here]. Speaking of not giving a [insert swear word here], that is the image he projects to the outside. Don't get me wrong, when it comes to certain things that's exactly how he behaves, but when it comes to others, he is far from not worrying. I guess he just has a different priority ranking system. For example, one time, something happened to me which made me start crying. I didn't know the boy, I mean, I knew he existed but I didn't think that he knew I did. He seemed to be in his own world, and I thought that seeing me crying wouldn't receive any response from him, and for the morning, I was right. But that lunch, something miraculous happened. No one, not even my "friends" had remembered to ask me how I was feeling after spending the morning crying. No one cared, except him. Out of nowhere, he showed up and asked me if I was okay. Honestly, I wasn't okay, until he asked me that, and he made me so happy that day. I realized that he was worth something. So now I've needlessly proved that he is nice.

He is smart, but he doesn't choose to use his smarts in school. He goes home and almost always comes back with some cool thing he thought himself the night prior. Whether it's setting chairs to stand on one leg, or balancing an umbrella on his nose, there is never a dull moment being around him. Like all smart people though he has a little psychotic glitch. He is relatively bipolar.

Physically, my girlfriend and guyfriend couldn't be more different. His appearance is tattered, boyish and I've even heard it be compared to a hobo. He doesn't care about his looks, which is really quite admirable, especially on a boy. (Side note: He is a little bit of a pervert. He is very stubborn about his theories on female morality and sexuality.)

So to finally get to the important issue of this post: my girlfriend's dishonesty.

I think that she likes him, no, I know that she likes him. Everything about her screams adoration towards him, and I'm not the only one who can tell.

Being her friend, I get asked multiple times throughout the day about whether or not they are dating. Each time I say no.

I noticed this a while ago. Some tell tell signs were the changes in her behaviour. Her normally punctaul self is no more. Now, instead of attending class at the bell, she stays behind and arrives to class half and hour late because she was talking to him. It's not like she was talking to him about riveting subjects either, she'll literally talk to him about anything. As long as she hears his voice, and he hears hers, it's all good. 

This is where it gets interesting; I just said "he hears hers". Yes, I mean he likes her, too. Being the strange individual that he is, he has a different way of showing it. You can just tell. I see the way that his face lights up with joy when talking to her. He talks to her, though he never starts the conversation. That's very much her role. He pretends that she doesn't exist - in fact, he pretends a lot of girls don't exist. This year, it's a little better. He acknowledges a girl he knows relatively well when she walks down the hallway. He tilts his head at her to say "hi" - okay, it's not much, but it's a start. 

My locker is next to his. I don't know how it ended up that way, it just did. Her locker, on the other hand, is on the other side of the school. Everyday, between classes and during breaks, she comes up to my locker. It used to be for me, but now, it's for someone else. She comes up to him, and -in their native language- they commence their conversation. When I am there, he notices the rudeness of speaking in front of me in a foreign language, and encourages English by leading by example. She, on the other hand, doesn't notice I exist. (If she does, she chooses not to include me in the conversation by speaking dramatically in her language. Yeah, I do feel bad.) Then as time keeps moving on, all the children go to class, my friends go to class and all the people with lockers close by go to their classes, so who is left? The two of them. He doesn't have a class to get to, but she does. He has all the time in the world to chit chat, but she doesn't. Of course, she pretends that she does. It's too bad, but then she comes up to me and questions why her teacher isn't giving her a higher mark. Oh I don't know, could it be because she barely shows up?
So, being the good friend that I am, I came up to my girlfriend and told her about what all the kids were asking me. I told her that their thoughts weren't unwarranted and that I thought that they could possibly have some merit to them. She quickly denied it all, but it was rather apparent to me that she was lying. As I would later learn, she wasn't lying, she herself just wasn't sure about her feelings.
She had confided to me before that she would agree to go out with the boy if he asked, but the chances of this boy asking her out, or any girl for that matter, were slim to none. I haven't discussed the matter with the boy, simply because he's not close enough with me and because he's so hot and cold. That boy really keeps a person on their toes. You have to be very careful in discussing anything with him, because his reaction could change at any moment. He may be smiley and excited to talk one minute, and give you death stares the next. This actually leads me to my final point very well. What would happen if they did miraculously come together.
Let's assume, for arguments sake, that the boy decided to ask my friend out. She would say yes in a heartbeat, and spend the next month dabbling words of joy and skipping through lollipop and rainbow fields. Now let's assume the relationship begins. The going out would be complicated, because I honestly think that he'd have a problem with a lot of the things she does. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he was embarrassed by something that she did. Okay, that's going out, but what about at school. Not only would thw relationship further the academic detriment to my friend, it would also pose her great heartache.
My friend is loving, and I'd imagine that she'd forgive him for just about anything, but that doesn't mean that she wouldn't be hurt. On some of his "off days" she'd come up to him all bubbly and try to talk to him about something. He would ignore her and try and blame it on his bad mood. The trouble is that this "bad mood" would be rather chronic and I don't think that she'd fare well.
The differences in personality would prove to be too much, if the relationship were to ever begin. His trying to play cool would get in the way of her honest demonstration of joy and that would be the end of that. Despite the fact that I think their relationship would destined for doom, I still support any advances in it. Honestly, I think that any relationship with that boy is destined for doom. I think that his image will always get in the way, despite that he is a good kid overall. I'm sure his personality is compatible with some girls; I just don't think that my girlfriend is one of those. She is simply too open to be with someone so sheltered.